It is with heavy heart that I must confess a hidden sin. A depravity lingers in my soul, and threatens to disbar me from Heaven forever. It is only through fervency of prayer and steadiness of resolution that I may yet prevail in this trial, and return once again to the blessing and favor of the Lord.
The harlot, Ashley Alexandra Dupre, is indeed a foul, disgusting, and loathsome wench. Her fundamental evil is manifest; she destroyed a marriage sacred to God, even if it was a marriage between leftist traitor Democrats scarcely a notch above Pagan orgying. Ashley Dupre is a deviant prostitute of French extraction. Yet, I find that I cannot stop thinking about her.
Her Hippie pacifism notwithstanding, this siren has caused flickerings and stirrings within me. Those powerful sensations are sinful in nature. I am well aware of this fact, yet I seem powerless to do anything about them.
I have spent the past day in pious, devoted prayer. When reading the Bible did not purge this strumpet from my mind, I began beating myself about the head and shoulders with the Holy Book, trusting in the Word of God to drive this Gallic succubus from my heart.
My wife has been very understanding of my toils and travails. I told her about the damnation I face, and we prayed together for hours. My wife pointed out that this is the exact reason why decent women strap their chest down in public, and why indecent women are fit only to be pilloried and pelted with rotten vegetables, ridiculed, scorned, and mocked by decent society. The very mangy dogs of the streets, byways, alleys and hamlets are fitter instruments of God’s beneficence than is a shameless hussy like Ashley Alexandra Dupre.
Go ahead, Ashley. Suckle your fingers. Ogle me with lust in your heart and Satan in your loins. Sidle up to your equally-attractive friend in a ridiculously unwholesome outfit, alcoholic beverage in your hand and Spitzer stains on your conscience. With the help of God and my devout, pious, saintly wife, I shall destroy you. I will purge you from my soul, and I shall not rest until America sends you to Guantanamo along with the other women of impure mind and unsalvageable spirit.
God is with me, and with all Americans who resist the wiles of harlotry!